Important ANNOUNCEMENT. Not really.
DramaTweets
For a Good Cause...
Thine Archive:
Last Sunday I decided to change a couple of stuff in my life. My life has been the reverse of the Relient K song, who I am hates who I’ve been… I hate the Me I turned into when I got into college. I changed for the worse… but you can’t blame me for everything, though. I’ve gone through so much crap in the past two years that being the apathetic person I am now was the only survival skill I had to cling to.
For the blogspot readers, refer to my Friendster blogs for more stupid details. This way to Friendster blog
Well anyhoo, to make a really long, sordid story short, let’s just say that in the past two years I had to put my hopes and dreams in a box and bury them in a graveyard somewhere… and I had to put my conscience and care in another box and throw them in a ditch.
I had to do all of these in order to cope. I had to change because if I were still the same spineless coward that I was when I was 16, I would’ve died by now. Not that dying is a bad thing; I would love to die if God would just let me.
I’m still a spineless coward [yes, I know it’s redundant but that’s exactly what my life is… unneeded] but the thing that helped me the most is that I really didn’t care if shhh happened to me or if shhh happened to anybody. Not caring for anyone, including myself, got me through hell… no matter what the world threw at me, I could care less because in the end, I know that I’m dying so none of these would matter.
But despite the fact that a big part of me doesn’t care anymore, there’s still a piece of that 16-year-old girl who wants to be happy inside of me. So I’m trying to persuade the universe to send me good karma this time.
Which brings me to the whole point of this entry…
I know it’s waaay too late to make a list of new years’ resolutions. I need to make one anyway. I need good karma to come into my life. So just let me have this chance to try to have the happiness I’ve longed for since I was 3…
- I will change the way I text and type. No longer will it be the Angel way of texting. [i.e. tHis iS aN eXampLe]. I will text or type like every other normal person. This could be the reason why I have bad karma.
- I will, as much as possible, CARE for whatever goes on in my life and CARE for whoever makes my day wonderful. I used to do that but then I sunked into depression and forgot to give a shhh about those around me. I still don't care maybe because my life is crappy and subconsciously, I want everyone else's to be like mine. Just realized that now.
- I will try my HARDEST to be naning. There was a time that I was but then I felt a sense of purposelessness so I stopped. The reason why my parents work their butts off is to send me to school [never mind the fact that my tuition is not that expensive]. The fact that they slaved just to get me in a classroom must be worth something. I used to care about that. That's why I went to U.P. Right now, I really don't care anymore.
- [This is connected to the statement above] I will be less lazy. Wait, I WON'T be lazy. Buddha's probably got some wise thoughts on laziness, I don't know. Anyway, I shouldn't be lazy because I will never amount to anything... or my hands would become like Devon's in Idle hands. Cool movie. Will keep that thought in mind.
- I will be vegan. I tried to be vegan, heck, I was a fishitarian for years but then I stopped caring for life. [WHERE EXACTLY DID I STOP BEING HUMAN? Humans are supposed to care or whatever.] Meat is murder. Buddha said something about vegetarianism being the first step to nirvana. I'm not trying to attain nirvana, per se. I just want to escape the bad karma.
- I will care for the environment like I did a billion years ago [or high school, at least]. New Age Girl was my theme song. "Mary Moon, she's a vegetarian. Mary Moon, Mary Moon..." Well, anyhoo, I will be Mary Moon again and outlive all you guys when you're septuagenarians. Haha. I love that song. Seriously, though, I will imagine [again] that the meat I eat are my dogs. I love my woofies.
- I will try to restore my faith in God. Like I told my friends, I can't give them advice on how to find a boyfriend because I'm trying to find my God. I don't care that when I become religious again, people would call it blind faith. I was happier when I blind.
- I will no longer cut myself because…
one: the emo kids are doing it and for the nth time, I'M NOT EMO
two: it's against my religion that I no longer believe in
and three: I might get tetanus
- I will not cuss or swear. For one thing, I'd get into trouble with the parents. I really hate it when girls swear. It’s very un-lady like.
That's all I can think of for now. I want to be a better person. I want to be that Angel who wanted to change the world and believed she could change the world. The one that, right now, I’d consider to have blind faith. Screw blindness, I was happier when I was bonding with Godly…
Hopefully, I can do all these and be happy. My life sucks.
Ciao for now.
~Your resident drama queen
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A Poem
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there's some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
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