For a Good Cause...
couple months ago, when I was placed under tremendous stress, I was ready to give up. (Yes, tremendous stress.) (Friends can attest to that.)
Why I held on, I will never know. Amazing how much a blur my life is. What's more amazing is that I don't even know how I make my decisions. (Something that's prolly more amazing than that is how I don't even know my own self.)
Back then—I think it was right around March—I found myself desperate. I asked God for signs and He gave them to me. Why I decided against doing what God's signs said, again, I will never know. Right now, I feel stupid. God sent signs, which would be equivalent to Him shouting answers to me, and I chose to... ignore them.
Remind me again why I did that?
Good news is I stopped blaming God for all the crap that happens in my life. The follow up cheer would be that I really don't care anymore. Shhh happens. Sure, it happens to me more often than not but hey, it doesn't really matter, does it now? Don't get me wrong, to some extent I still care about what goes on in my life but it isn't the way I used to care about things.
Funny thing is that I took this quiz thingy or whatever to find out what my "theme song" is and as it turns out, it's Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. Whoopee. It's like the universe finally gets me or whatever.
Your Theme Song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
"There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves."
You haven't been feeling a lot lately, and you think that's a good thing.
The comfortable part is nice... but you should really work on numb.
Well, yeah. Of course I think being numb is a good thing. Granted, half the stuff I go through wouldn't be equal to that of the hungry children in Somalia but it kind of helps if I don't feel anything anymore.
Over the past few weeks, I've wanted to suffer from Alexithymia. (It literally means “no words for emotion.”) (Thank you, wiseGeek.)
What would I give to become permanently numb.
Post Script
To you, I probably don't have real problems. I'm still nineteen, and my age probably entitles me to believe that problems are problems regardless of their fundamental natures. If it's something I lose sleep over, then it's real as hell to me.
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